


Dude Looks Like a Lady

by DianaMoon



Category: Glee
Genre: Between Seasons/Series, Canon Compliant, Clubbing, Culture Shock, Dancing, Drunkenness, Gen, Hollywood, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Inspired by Roleplay/Roleplay Adaptation, Los Angeles, Mistaken Identity, POV Male Character, POV Third Person, Season/Series 04, Tumblr Roleplay, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-12
Updated: 2013-12-12
Packaged: 2018-01-04 04:52:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1076749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DianaMoon/pseuds/DianaMoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Puck decides to have a night out on his own, and realizes just how different the clubs here are than in Lima.<br/>Pre-Season 4.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dude Looks Like a Lady

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally a solo para assignment in a Glee S4 redo RP that didn't last. I thought it was good enough to stand alone as a fic between seasons 3 and 4, though I have expanded it a little since then. I may post more of these from various RPs if I can get it to stand on its own.
> 
> Please keep in mind, Puck's a bit ignorant when it comes to certain things, because of Lima mostly even with what he was exposed to in Glee, and he's pretty damn drunk for most of this.

As he waited in line for the club, Puck was trying his best not to think about how this was stupid. He could easily lose money at the club, drinking his ass off, and if he was lucky, well _when_ since he was always lucky, he’d be buying drinks for some honey and going back to her place. Which was seriously preferable than going back to his dump of a shoebox studio. Puck had barely broke even this month, and it was only his second month in L.A. That also included the one week of staying with ‘Cedes as he tried to find a place to live in.

But damn it, he earned some ‘me’ time. He worked his ass off the past week trying to make connections, earn money. He'd only had a few pool gigs and it didn’t seem the clients were that impressed with his dingy equipment. He just couldn’t afford the high tech stuff yet, but he knew his shit. This week, only one client took his flirtations to heart, and tipped him well. The rest simply treated him like he was gum on their overpriced shoe. While passing out pamphlets today, an idea did strike him, seeing how the ‘characters’ in Hollywood got money by posing with idiot tourists, never mind that he felt like an idiot tourist every day, and figured maybe he could try something with that. A superhero maybe. It’d be pretty awesome and fun at least.

Shaking his head of those thoughts, he realized he was only one person away from finally being in the damn club. He got his fake ID out and the entrance fee, friggin’ ten bucks. But the club was popular and he pretty much wanted to go since he first saw it. If he was real lucky, maybe he’d spot a celebrity getting wasted. Apparently it was a daily occurrence in L.A., but he hadn’t seen it yet. Soon as he got into the club, and thank fuck his fake ID still worked even in a big city like this, he made a beeline to the bar.

He grinned as the bartenders were chicks, really hot chicks, and he wondered for a second if this place was like that movie where the hot chicks danced on the table naked. Wait, that was the porn parody. Feeling good, and definitely pushing down all those feelings of guilt, Puck flirted with the blonde bartender and managed, so he thought, to get a drink on discount. Better than paying full price, right? Taking his time with the first round, Puck assessed the club. The music was pretty boss and so were the peeps. All good looking, even the dudes, so at least he’d have some healthy competition. It was more worth it to have to fight for it sometimes.

When done with his drink, he ordered a shot and downed that one too before heading into throng of writhing dancers. He _loved_ dancing. Sure when it came to choreographed shit like all the complicated moves he had to do in Glee club, he was about half as bad as Finny, but didn’t mean he didn’t enjoy it. It was just hard to keep his mind concentrated on the moves when he could easily just stare at Santana’s boobs or Mercedes’ ass or something. But of course, when it came to crunch time, performance time, he never missed a beat. No one but his sis had to know that he practiced his moves in the bedroom. Damn Sarah for learning how to pick a lock.

He spent a good hour just dancing with various ladies, or just himself sometimes, grooving to the music. This was exactly what he needed. Get out of his head, out of his situation and fucking enjoy himself.  Deciding he needed to quench his thirst, and really look for a chick to flirt with, Puck went back to the bar and saw exactly who he wanted to be taken home with. She was tall in her six inch heels and super tight red shimmery dress that was modest at her knees. She had an ass to die for and legs that seemed to go for ever. She also wasn’t a Popsicle stick like most seemed to be around here. After Zizes, Puck had a fine appreciation for thick chicks. Not that this one was fat, but she definitely could hold her own. Her sandy brown hair was in some weird hairstyle that reminded him of Berry’s movie posters from the 40s.

Coming up next to her, he could tell she had a nice rack that definitely fit her body. The woman noticed him looking and winked at him, which hey, was way better than a disgusted look or a slap on the face. He got the bartender’s attention, a red head this time, and offered to buy the lady her drink, a bourbon and coke which really impressed Puck. He ordered his go to, Jack Daniels, and it didn’t take long to flirt up Vivi Ann, who seemed really taken by the fact he was interested in her. Puck chalked it up to him being hot and sexy. Of course she should be honored to have caught the attention of _El Puckfasa_.

A few drinks, and lots of chatting later, which Puck didn’t mind, since he didn’t really get to do much of that since being here, they seemed to be really hitting it off. He liked the talking as Cedes seemed pretty busy so he didn’t bug her too much and well, he felt silly trying to call up anyone else, as much as he wanted to.  Feeling more than a little tipsy by now, Puck got bolder, leaning in and saying dirty sexy things, which Vivi Ann seemed to like, whispering in his ear back as much as he was doing to her. She took his hand and led him away from the bar. At first he thought they’d do some vertical horizontal tango on the dance floor but they passed it and found an empty alcove near the back of the club. It was a little darker and quieter there and damn, Vivi Ann must’ve one of those exhibitionist types cause she pressed him against the wall and really started to mack on him.

He certainly didn’t mind being a little submissive at times, with the chicks he was with in high school he had to be, so this just turned him on more.  Puck of course kissed back with as much fervor and experience, getting Vivi Ann to moan and press her breasts against him. They didn’t feel quite so natural, but it was California, and he got used to that real quick. His hands roamed down her back, squeezing her ass. She moaned even louder and soon their tongues were warring for dominance.

Some loud fast song came on that vibrated through the walls, and spurred Puck to use his leverage on her ass to grind against her. She responded to gripping his ‘hawk and squeezing his waist. For a few minutes, everything was perfect, he was getting hard and she was getting hard—wait, what? Puck pulled away from her lips and stared at her, trying to get his mind to catch up to what his dick was feeling against him. Another dick.

“Dude, are you a _dude_?”

His tone was of complete surprise, but even in the darkness of the club, it was plain the slight disgust and confusion showing on his face. Because, what the hell, he'd just spent the evening flirting and making out with a bona fide gay dude who looked too fucking hot as a chick. It wasn't the dude's fault, he knew that, but still, the guy shoulda known it was gonna happen, some confusion.

"Oh _hell_ no. Don't tell me you're straight, because your dick says otherwise. And don't give me that look, you were quite happy with what I was offering mere minutes ago!" Vivi Ann cried out, pissed as hell as she pulled her phone out of somewhere, Puck wasn't sure really, apparently texting someone.

That should've been his cue, and his chance, to get the hell out of dodge, but instead he just stood there like an idiot, letting his ears burn with Vivi Ann's ranting. "Look, dude, you were like pretending to be a woman of course I was interested!" he tried to counter, but even as he said it, he knew he was in for it deep.

"I don't know what backwater town you come from, asshole, but around here we don't say shit like that. I am more woman than you could _ever_ handle, and Christ, didn't you notice my Adam's apple?" Vivi Ann pointed to her neck as she got closer to Puck, actually intimidating him.

He furrowed his brows not knowing what the hell fruit had to do with anything, besides the childish and obvious answer. "So there's really a reason you guys are called fruits?" Puck hated himself sometimes. That only got more indignation and angry words and now Puck wished he hadn't noticed Vivi Ann's dick and was still making out, if only to end all this misery.

"Ladies! Did you hear that? Boy I sure know how to pick them!"

"Hey, I'm sorry man—ma'am, I mean, uh, lady.. Wait, ladies?" Puck tried to apologize quickly before more of his thoughts came spewing out, but then he sensed that he was surrounded and sure enough, a quick glance around and there were three other dudes in dresses. All taller than him and two he was sure that had better guns to boot. _Well shit._

* * *

What happened next he wished he could forget. Surprisingly, he didn’t want to forget the whole night but he didn’t dwell on that, considering it a learning experience instead. A lot of things were said, by everyone around, and he knew he was an inch away from getting a beat down, because he was drunk and some of the other things that came out of his mouth were wholly unfiltered. Not that he filtered most of what he said on any given day, but drunk Puck's mind was a scary place to be. He doesn't quite remember how he distracted Vivi Ann and her friends, but he did and managed to slip through the dancing crowd, who were oblivious to what had gone on in one corner of the club, which was good.

As soon as the cool night air hit him, and began to sober him up more than what went on inside the club, Puck hailed a cab to waste money on, just so he'd ensure he was safely away from the angry group of...whatever they were. It wasn't until he was back inside his a/c-less sauna for an apartment that he finally relaxed. Stripping down to just boxers, Puck plopped down onto his bed, ready to sleep this disaster of a night away.

  
"Fuck, Cali's weird," he said to no one in particular. At least he learned one thing. Only dudes have Adam's apples.


End file.
